I failed my driving test..

Dear Friends,

Today, I was humbled by the realisation that life is a continuous series of successes and failures.

For a little bit of background, I’ve been living in Japan for a year, and if you’ve ever visited Hokkaido you’ll know that you really do need a car to get by. Buses and trains run reliably during the busy winter season, but at other times you wouldn’t want to depend on them too much.

So, I saved up and flew across the country to Hiroshima to attend a driving camp. It’s a two week intensive programme where you spend around 10 hours a day either driving or studying for the written exams. I completed it, returned home, and organised a trip to Sapporo to take the written driving test, about two and a half hours from home.

This morning, by 7, I was already queued in front of the driving centre, waiting for the test to begin at 10. I felt slightly nervous but nothing dramatic. When the paper was handed out and the clock began to tick, I genuinely thought I was doing well. I worked at a steady pace and even had time to check my answers properly more than once. I handed in my paper feeling confident, certain I’d done fine. I went for a simple lunch at a kombini and returned early so I could redo my makeup before the photograph session I expected to follow.

I sat in the waiting room with the other candidates, looking at the map and wondering, “Where do I go to take my photograph afterwards?” and “What time will I get my licence and head home?”. While these thoughts were running through my mind, I looked up at the test results that had just appeared.

My number wasn’t there.

I didn’t feel that sudden drop in my chest. I was simply confused. I went through the numbers again and again. My number still wasn’t there. Then the realisation arrived: I think I’ve failed. What followed were anger and disappointment. How could this have happened? I’d flown so far, studied diligently at the camp, and done well on almost all the practice tests.

And somehow, even worse, I didn’t expect to fail at this stage of my life. When I was studying or applying for jobs, I grew used to failure and rejection. It always stung to receive an email beginning with the classic “We regret to inform you”, but it felt normal. Now here I am, more than a year out of university, living a good life in Japan, doing a fully adult task like getting my driving licence, and I still flunked.

This thought stayed with me for the whole journey back, until it softened into something else. I realised that school was never meant to be a phase you go through once and then leave behind. All those experiences with failure and rejection were simply early lessons in what life continues to be. This life I’m living now. And strangely enough, I found comfort in that. I never thought I’d be learning from my younger self, but here we are.

Back then, when I failed a test, I’d cry a little, study for the resit, and try again. If I didn’t pass the next time, I’d study again and retake it. It went on like that until I finally passed. The idea was simple. So perhaps we can try that again. We fail, we let ourselves be a little annoyed, and then we try again. I’ll keep that in mind as I retake the driving test next week. Wish me luck!

Till next time.

Love,

Aislin