Am I... Uncool?

Dear Friends,

Today is Day 5 of my solo trip in Chiang Mai, Thailand, and I’ve just booked my return ticket to Japan.

That might sound ordinary, except for one thing: I’m cutting my trip short by a week and a half. Wow, even just typing that feels a little embarrassing.

But is it, really? Is it truly something to be ashamed of? Does coming home early mean I’ve failed at being “cool”?

Let me take you back a bit.

This trip to Thailand was all very last minute. I made the decision, bought the ticket, and got on the plane all within 24 hours. It came after a couple of mentally draining weeks, and though I won’t go into all the details now, I was in a really rough headspace. Anxious. Exhausted. Tapped out.

So when I saw a window of free time, I booked a flight without thinking twice. Thailand has always felt like a special place to me, and I guess I had hoped it would somehow heal me. Think of your classic Eat Pray Love story, except condensed into one city.

But here’s the truth: I was wrong. I knew I was wrong the moment I landed.

What I needed wasn’t new scenery or an adrenaline rush. What I truly needed was connection, to be surrounded by people who know me and love me. I had confused adventure with community, and the realisation hit fast.

From the very first night, I struggled with loneliness in a way I hadn’t on previous solo trips. Seeing photos of my sisters and close friends back home in Japan felt like a punch to the gut. Meanwhile, I was here doing all the "right" things, visiting temples, trying market foods, making hostel buddies. Yet, it still felt like something was missing.

So, why didn’t I just come home sooner?

Because I was afraid.

Afraid of being “uncool”. Afraid of not being strong enough to push through the homesickness. Afraid that cutting the trip short meant I wasn’t spontaneous or bold or free spirited. These are labels I’ve always admired in others and so desperately wanted to claim for myself.

Isn’t it funny how we create these expectations, even when no one is actually judging us?

So, I stayed a few more days. And those days were not great. Until finally, on a phone call with a family member, I broke down and said, “I want to go back.”

My family reminded me of something I’d now like to pass on to anyone reading this, whether you’ve ever found yourself in a similar space, or might do so in future:

You ARE cool.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with needing your people. Nothing wrong with choosing connection over FOMO. Nothing wrong with realising that, right now, travel isn’t the fix, and that’s okay.

The destinations will always be there. You can always return when the time is right, with a clearer heart and a steadier mind. I know I will. I’m already looking forward to coming back to Chiang Mai and this time, really taking it in.

If you’re feeling off, homesick, or unsure, you’re not failing. You’re human.

And yes, you’re still cool.

Till next time!

Love,

Aislin